if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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