not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
