I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
