I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You're a waste of cheezeits
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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