I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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