Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
