You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
