Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
