Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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