JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
