I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
