when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
