ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
