i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Damn victory sex feels great
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
