Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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