I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
