we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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