He told me they were just razor bumps!
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
