Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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