So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize