I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
