I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
