just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
