my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
