So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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