I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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