I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
