Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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