Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
