I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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