the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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