why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
