it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
