So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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