matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
