I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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