Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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