I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
