I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize