That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
In other news, I just burned my penis
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
