this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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