i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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