i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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