His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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