just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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