those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
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