drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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