i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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