Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
