I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
