I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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