I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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