New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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