I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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