I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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