I swear god or herbie drove my car home
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
