I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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