my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize