i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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