dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
