so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
