You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
