your room smells of hookers.
And success
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
