That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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