yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
