I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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