Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize