I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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