I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
