didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
