And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
