its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
