she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize