Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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