i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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