I heard we made out
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
