idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
