no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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