She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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