Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
