Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So vagazzling was a success
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
