i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
