My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
