I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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