Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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