If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
