I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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