Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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