every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
