Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
