Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize