i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
