when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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