remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
