I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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