I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
