I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
