just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize