But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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