def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
