yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
wow bdsm is so cute
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
